dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
