I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
