you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
