Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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