we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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