on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
3pm strippers are depressing
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
