Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
