dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
