There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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