the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
