If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
