is your mom at the bar?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
