i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
