Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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