Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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