; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
