Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
