That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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