I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
