she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
