Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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