Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
