Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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