Don't you send me to vm
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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