Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
