1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
