I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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