I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
