i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
