At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
