omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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