Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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