Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
