Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
