no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
