Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
