i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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