he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
