I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
