just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
