I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Everything about him screamed your future.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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