she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
