looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
