I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
