Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
