Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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