is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
