Quick, to the slutcave!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
