Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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