I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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